I teach sex ed in college. Here's what all college students wish their parents knew about sex on cam

I've taught sex ed to college students for nearly a decade. In that time, students have asked me thousands of questions about sexuality, relationships, communication, and more. But when class is over, students will often privately ask me one thing: "I'm dealing with _____. How can I talk to my parents about it?"

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  • I've taught sex ed on college campuses for nearly a decade. 
  • Parents should know college isn't filled with orgies, and their kid might undergo important changes.
  • Ultimately, your kid wants to feel supported and cared for.

I've taught sex ed to college students for nearly a decade. In that time, students have asked me thousands of questions about sexuality, relationships, communication, and more.

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But when class is over, students will often privately ask me one thing: "I'm dealing with _____. How can I talk to my parents about it?"

Many students want to talk to their parents and caregivers about what's going on in their lives, but they don't know where to start — and I'd bet that if you're a parent, you feel the same way.

This is every parent's official cheat sheet for sex on college campuses.

It's normal and healthy to be sexually active — and to not be sexually active, too

The US has a cultural image of college as a hotbed of parties, orgies, and sexual experimentation. Thanks, early 2000s cinema. Sure, there will be parties and there will be experimentation (and sometimes orgies, too) on campus.

But that's not unique to the college experience — that's true of the world at large.

So avoid making assumptions about what your kid is doing in their spare time. The American College Health Association's spring 2023 National College Health Assessment found that while a majority of undergrads had had some type of sex before, a significant portion had not.

ACHA's data showed that 39.5% of undergraduates had never had oral sex, 43.9% had never had vaginal intercourse, and 83.8% reported never having anal sex.

Regardless of the statistics, your kid is their own person. Whether they decide to abstain or actively explore their sexuality, it's all healthy and normal.

Dating someone doesn't mean they're not taking their academics seriously

Some parents may feel like their kids aren't committed to school if they're dating. The good news is that just like you can hold down a job and be in a relationship, you can also date while being a great student.

The collegiate social experience — including dating — can be important to students: It's another way of learning about yourself and the world.

So leave behind the "dump them or I'm not paying tuition" ultimatums. Instead, be supportive and curious about what's going on in their lives.

If your student's grades dramatically slip or they express an interest in leaving school, talk openly with them about what's going on. They may be feeling overwhelmed academically or like the school isn't the right fit, or struggling with time management. And, yes, there could be relationship issues at play, too.

Ultimately, your kid is a person — so give them the space and the support to figure it all out.

Your kid might want your advice sometimes, but they will probably be too nervous to ask

Whether it's about sexual health or relationships, at some point, your kid will probably want to talk to you about something going on in their life.

If you don't already have a foundation of open communication about sexuality and relationships, you'll both likely feel nervous and uncertain about how to approach this new conversation.

I'll be honest: Not every conversation will go perfectly. But we can make it easier on everyone involved by taking these four statements to heart:

  • "That's not something I know a lot about. Let's research it together."

  • "I'm having some feelings right now. Can we take a break for a minute? I want to be as present for this conversation as possible."

  • "That conversation didn't go the way I hoped. I'm sorry for reacting the way I did. Can we try again?"

  • "Thank you for coming to me to talk about this. I love you."

Remember, your child coming to you for advice means they trust and respect your opinion. So be present, listen deeply, and ask them how they want to be supported.

College students will experience a lot of changes and they still need parental support

When your kid comes home from school, they might tell you about a new relationship, that they're going by a different name or pronouns, or they might just be debuting a whole new look.

When you're away from your kid, it can feel like everything is happening quickly and you don't have time to catch up. But remember that for them, those changes may feel like they were a long time coming.

Whether they're coming out as queer or transitioning, your kid is looking for one thing from you: support. We all change throughout our lives — that's part of being human — and college can be a time of intense and seemingly rapid self-discovery.

No matter how you're feeling about those shifts at the moment, take it in stride. Express curiosity about who your kid is and what's going on in their life. Love them and remember that every time your child shares something about themselves with you, it's a gift.

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