HIS STORY
Dan Borley is 36, and lives in Chelmsford, where he works in sales. He is in a long-term relationship
A message popped up from Mel saying: “Hi.” We hadn’t really spoken much online before. She was quite flirty. I actually thought someone was pretending to be her and winding me up – good-looking women rarely make the first move. We met officially at a party two weeks later.
It was the first time in my life I’d met someone I didn’t want to leave. To say I fell in love immediately doesn’t really begin to explain my feelings. Mel was my first true love.
Within a year we were living together and had a child. Three more kids followed – and our wedding. I remember the appalling way in which I proposed: in our living room, during an ad break. In my defence, money was tight!
We spent seven and a half years together, then split around seven years ago. Ultimately the problem was that we were very different people, better as friends than as husband and wife. Choosing to spend time apart rather than doing things together was the first sign, though I didn’t realise that at the time. Having witnessed both our parents’ marriages end in messy divorces, we parted on good terms, determined to avoid the same fate.
There are various things that stick in my mind about our marriage. We used to go for long drives around the Essex back roads, and whenever I take a similar route now it reminds me of Mel. Some years I remember our wedding anniversary, other years I’ll remember it a week or two after it’s passed.
We always back each other where the kids are concerned. That has worked since day one, and it’s part of the reason we get along so well now.
Visit Dan’s parenting and lifestyle blog, DannyUK.com
HER STORY
Mel Stone is 38 and is a stay-at-home mum in Essex, where she lives with her fiancé
We knew of each other for two years. Then one day in 2000 I messaged Dan on AOL and, shortly after, we started dating. He had a great sense of humour and that’s what attracted me to him. I think I intimidated him a little with all my flirting.
I fell unexpectedly pregnant soon after. We decided to keep the baby – our daughter is now almost 14 – and so we skipped the “dating” part. We went straight into a serious relationship.
We went on to have two more girls. Then after we got married, I desperately wanted a son. I had lost my first child back in 1999, a boy, with my previous partner. Although nothing would replace him, I felt things wouldn’t be complete if we didn’t at least try. At first, Dan was adamant about us not having more children, but eventually he agreed and we did have a son.
Dan was always a friend to me, honest and open. I guess in the end that was the problem, really. The love was there, but maybe not the “in love” kind. Having had to rush our relationship meant we skipped a lot of the romance. We didn’t have a lot of money and so we spent a lot of time at home. I also went through postnatal depression after having the children, which was hard. I was jealous whenever Dan spent time with female friends, but there was no reason to be.
So many people just don’t understand how we could still be friends, but we are. Dan’s someone I care about and email regularly – not just about the children. He’s still the guy I met back in 2000, just without the relationship part.
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